If you are pregnant and considering adoption, you might be wondering “Is adoption right for me?”  The truth is that adoption isn’t the right choice for everyone. Here are four important questions to ask yourself as you decide whether adoption is right for you and your baby.

Is someone pressuring you to give your baby up for adoption?

Giving your baby up for adoption is your choice. You will live with that choice for the rest of your life and will think about it long after others have forgotten. I know because I’ve been there. (Read my adoption story here)  Don’t choose adoption if:

  • Your family is pressuring you
  • The baby’s father is pressuring you
  • You are threatened or coerced

Choose adoption because you believe in your heart it’s the best choice for you and your baby.  Women who are pregnant and considering adoption don’t always know right away if it’s the right choice.  Take the time you need to research and consider this option.  Talk with someone you trust to get it out in the open and see how that feels.  This can be an important first step for some women.

Do you want an open adoption that includes multiple visits per year?

Visits with the baby are common in an open adoption. But if you’re choosing adoption because you want to see the baby several times per month or every month throughout the year, then adoption may not be the right choice for you.

In many adoptions, multiple visits per year work out. However, the reality is that several visits per month every year isn’t usually realistic. Adoptive parents move away, and you might move out of the area too. Over time, the adoptee might not feel comfortable with so many visits per year. If you are certain that you can only do an adoption if these visits are guaranteed, then adoption may not be right for you.

Have you found an adoptive family for your baby and still feel uncertain?

Many women feel a sense of relief when they choose the family who will adopt their baby. They get to know the family, build trust with them, and begin to understand how adoption is possible.

Feelings of fear, sadness, and loss are typical, but a growing feeling of doubt may be a sign that adoption isn’t right for you. It’s important to trust your gut and your instincts during this vulnerable time. If you aren’t certain about adoption and think it might be because of the prospective parents you chose, adoption may not be right for you.

Remember, too, that you have the right to choose a new family before you sign consent to adoption. If you are having doubts about the family you chose, maybe choosing a new family will make you feel more confident about adoption.

Do you feel hopeful at the possibility of helping another couple have a family?

When I gave my son up for adoption, I was comforted by the thought that my crisis was going to be a miracle for someone else and hopeful for my son’s future and mine. I believed in my heart, and still do, that the parents I chose for him would provide the best possible life for my son. I have never regretted my choice.

If you have this same sense of comfort, even hope, when you think about adoption for you child, then adoption may be right for you!