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My Daughter Is Pregnant: How Parents React to Adoption

When you’re pregnant and considering adoption, you’re thinking about your future and the future of your child. However, there are others to consider as well. At some point during your pregnancy, you’ll likely let your own parents know about your choice to pursue adoption. How will your mother react when she learns that her daughter is pregnant?

When you're pregnant, you may be worried about letting your parents know about your planned adoption.

Surprise and Fear

Telling your parents that you’re pregnant can be really stressful, because you’re not sure how they’ll react to this information. Will they be upset? You may have been upset when you first learned that you were pregnant, and your parents may be no different. Your mother or father may be angry at you or at the situation, and this can be very hard. At this time, it’s helpful to have a backup network of other friends, family, counselors, and adoption professionals who you can go to and who will help you figure out how to manage if your parents are angry.

What Will Other People Think?

Just like you have had to consider how others will react to your pregnancy, your mom may worry about that too. How does this reflect on her as a mother?  Will she be afraid of others making judgments because her daughter is pregnant?  If you can, talk with her about why you made this choice. Over time, she may come to see that your decision is the best one for you and your child at this moment.

What’s Going to Happen Next?

Sometimes, your parents may be upset because of the uncertainty they feel surrounding the fact that their daughter is pregnant. You may have known you were pregnant for a while and you’ve had time to consider your options, but your parents may feel uncertain and confused at first. What will happen next? You can help them through this part of their worry by outlining your plan or seeking support from an adoption agency or law firm who can work with you to develop an adoption plan.

Pregnant

In an open adoption, you and your parents can form a relationship with your child.

What Can I Do?

Your mother may feel responsible. She was responsible for taking care of you, and she may feel like this pregnancy and your child is her responsibility. Let her know that this is your decision, but if you have a relationship that works well for both of you, let her help as well. She can give you a ride to the adoption agency or be a listening ear.

Looking to the Future

Your mother can also feel proud. There are a lot of people facing the opposite problem of non ability to have a baby (more information available at http://www.advancedfertility.com/eggdonor.htm). After the initial surprise has worn off and she understands why you’re choosing adoption, she may feel happy that you’ve considered your choices and made the right one for you and your child. While adoption may not be the choice that she would make, when your parents understand the reasons behind your choice they can feel confident standing behind you.

Getting Help

However your parents react to the news of your pregnancy, it’s important to have other allies as well, people who’ve heard the words ‘my daughter is pregnant’ many times before. When you visit an adoption agency or law firm, that agency is used to working with people who have taken your path. It’s not new to them, and this can feel very reassuring. An agency or law firm can help you find adoptive parents and make an adoption plan so that you know what’s coming next and have spelled out your preferences for the birth and the type of adoption you’re seeking.

An agency or adoption law firm can also help you find counseling. Talking to a counselor not only helps you think about your decision, it can also help you understand and come to terms with the reactions of your friends and family members. Having a supportive person to talk with is critical during this time of your life, and an adoption agency or law firm can give you help and find you additional support from people who can help you.

Images Courtesy of Family Formation: Client photos printed with permission.

Contact Us

Are you pregnant and thinking about adoption for your baby? I can help. You can send me your questions about adoption or ask me to send you more information. Your communication with me is always confidential, and you’re never under any obligation to do an adoption. I’m here to help, not to pressure you or tell you what to do.

Sincerely,

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Megan Cohen, Birth Attorney

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