It’s normal to have fears when considering giving up a baby. This is especially true at the beginning of the adoption journey when the process is so new. Some women find comfort in talking about their fears with someone who’s been through the process. Knowing that your feelings are normal and that you aren’t alone can be a huge relief.
Fear #1: Giving Up a Baby Makes Me a Bad Person
Probably the most common fear is that giving up a baby makes you a bad person and that you will be judged.
Here are my thoughts:
- Choosing adoption for your child is very likely going to be the most difficult decision of your life, and you won’t make it casually.
- Every woman experiences adoption differently, but there is generally some level of pain and grief.
- Only the most loving and compassionate woman who wants the best for her child would be willing to put herself through this.
- You don’t do it for yourself—you do it for your child. You aren’t giving up!
- This choice does not make you a bad person.
Fear #2: My Child Will Hate Me
Some women feel like they are simply giving away a baby and are afraid that their child will hate them for it. This is not an unreasonable fear, but you have to remember that it isn’t the rule. For every negative adoption story there is a positive one. Your child will have questions for sure, but if you carefully choose the right parents and build a loving, trusting relationship with them, your child will not hate you for it. (Read an adoptee’s story)
Fear #3: No One Will Want My Baby
Many women are also afraid that no one will want their baby because they used alcohol or drugs during the pregnancy.
You should know / consider:
- The fact is that there are many adopting parents who truly understand and appreciate that having children doesn’t comes with guarantees.
- They want to parent the child they are blessed with. No matter what that looks like.
- It’s okay to be afraid, but don’t let that get in the way of being honest.
- Tell the adoptive parents the truth about what your baby has been exposed to. Make sure they are comfortable with it.
- Being honest when it isn’t easy is how you build trust with the adopting parents. You will know you’ve chosen the right parents when you can be honest and they continue to trust and respect you. Read more about drug and alcohol use during pregnancy.
The truth is that giving up a baby can be a scary prospect. Every woman is different, and her fears about adoption will be based on her own circumstances. I’m here to help walk you through it so you can decide if