Kaitlyn, age 25, California
I wasn’t able to give my child what she needed
I chose adoption because at the time in my life that I was pregnant, I wasn’t able to fully give my child the attention and all the other day to day things she needed. I thought it would be better for her to be with someone who was at a point in their life that they were ready to have kids.
My biggest fear about adoption was how everything would go. Would it be easy to find a family that I loved? Would I find a family that loves my child the way I love her? Would I be able to find someone who I thought was good enough for her? I found it.
I love my daughter’s parents
This sounds like a really crazy thing, but when I saw them, they popped out at me. I loved them so much from the second I saw them. Bu the craziest thing was their cat and bunny’s names are my brother and sister’s names, Christian and Alex. Those are unusual names. My dog’s name was Biscuit. I mean, you don’t give your animals people names. That’s so crazy. And when I saw those names, I just knew. Plus they’re huge baseball fans. Well, they’re A’s fans so that was kind of stupid, but I’m really into sports. They both went to UC Berkeley and that’s where I would like to go, the school I’d like to graduate from. Everything about them just really connected.
The process was easy in some ways but in others it was tough for me.
It was a confusing time and I was so overwhelmed. I really needed support. I did have a little support from some of my friends. But they didn’t totally understand, and I really needed someone to understand what I was feeling. To make things worse, my mom was pissed at me. She was angry because she wanted to adopt my daughter, but I knew this wouldn’t be a healthy environment. I thought my daughter would be confused and it would be difficult and weird for her. I also wanted something different for her than how I was raised. I was so overwhelmed and I needed someone to be there for me.
Leaving the hospital without her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
When I was ready to leave, I just said to the doctors, peace out. I’m out of here. I went home and had a glass of wine, cried, and reflected. Leaving the hospital was hard but I did my best not to dwell. Talking to my therapist helped, getting my feelings out. It’s important to have someone you can talk to.
Therapy got me through it.
Other birth mothers helped me through. They were always there for me. It was great to work with someone who had been through it. It helped to have someone to talk to who actually knew what I was talking about and didn’t try to just comfort me all the time, and say it’s going to be okay. I questioned my decision all the time. It was helpful to hear from others about their real experiences.
Today I feel much less emotional.
And I have no regrets. It’s hard and it’s emotional but it still feels right. The family is really open to visits and it’s been such a blessing. My parents see her too which has been really great for all of us. Seeing how happy my daughter is makes me feel so reassured. My daughter absolutely screams happiness when she walks in a room. She’s so cute and always laughing. Her parents love her so much. I also spent time with her and her parents and her grandma. I can see how well loved she is and even though it’s hard for me, I know I made the right choice for my daughter. She has so much that I couldn’t give her. I mean, she has someone at home with her every day. I could never have given her that.
Adoption isn’t easy and sometimes it really sucks.
I have bad days like everyone else, but I keep coming back to the fact that it still feels like the right choice. I don’t regret my decision just because it’s been hard. If I had to do it all over again, knowing how I’ve felt throughout the process, I would still do the same thing. You don’t do it for yourself. You do it for your kid.