I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant. Emotionally, financially, and mentally unstable. Just in a really difficult time in my life. I didn’t find out until I was almost 4 months. I knew I was pregnant, but I didn’t want to face it and I thought ignoring it would make it go away. Obviously that wasn’t the case. The father was non existent. We were seeing each other, but it was nothing official unfortunately. When I found out, I was terrified. I cried for hours and hours. I felt so alone. Adoption hadn’t crossed my mind, until my mom’s best friend told me about a couple that had been trying for years to have a child but were unable to. She told me about Megan Cohen and how to contact them. I thought about it for weeks. I wanted to make sure I was making the right decision for me and for this baby. After weeks of thought, I decided to go for it. I contacted Megan and within a half an hour, they contacted me back. After speaking with her for a good half an hour and finding out she is a birth mother herself, it made me feel so comfortable knowing that I was speaking with someone who knew exactly where I was coming from. So they sent me information on my son’s future parents, and after reading it, I was all in. Knowing someone who is like family to me that had ties with them made me feel so much better about it. I didn’t have to worry about them changing their mind about the adoption being open.
The months went by, and each day I grew more and more excited for them, knowing that I was making their dream of finally having a family come true. It really took the stress off my shoulders.
The day finally came! I was induced, and after 3 days of labor and 1 hour of pushing without any results, we decided to go for a c section. Normally, hospitals only let 1 person into the operating room. But because they knew about the adoption, and knew that I also wanted my mom in there with me to keep me calm, they let 2. I had my mom and my baby’s adoptive mother in there, so that she could be the first to hold him. When I saw him for my first time I fell in love. And I couldn’t help but fall in love, even though I knew I wasn’t the one that was going to be the one leaving the hospital with him in my arms. So I tried to distance myself a bit so that I wouldn’t get attached. But his parents, being the amazing people they are, brought him into my room every day for the 3 days I was recovering. I held him for the first time 2 days after he was born. I never cried in front of them, I only cried when I left the hospital and probably every day for months after that. It was so difficult. I was depressed, suffering from terrible anxiety and just could not get myself to be happy. But deep down, I knew that I had made the right decision. I gave my little boy a chance at the life that I never had. With a mother and a father that were more than capable of taking care of a child, and deserved it more than I did.
He’s almost 2 now, and I love that boy more than I love myself. It’s still difficult of course, but it gets easier to deal with each day. I wouldnt take my decision back for the world. It was the greatest adventure I have ever been a part of. I’m so blessed to have found such perfect parents for my baby, and that they are so willing to still let me be a part of his life. Megan made it so easy for me, and I cannot thank them enough for being there and advocating for me every step of the way.
Images Courtesy of Family Formation: Client photos printed with permission